Dope
by TheOtherMaddHatter
Summary: Jonathan and the Scarecrow have an interesting habit when they're producing their Fear Toxin. What can the Joker do but laugh upon discovering it?


**http: // www. youtube. com/ watch?v = KXROnzpsrlg&playnext_from = TL&videos= j7srXmaWL1Y**

**This song is sung to the tune of Tom Lehrer's "The Elements" which is also the song "Major General's Song" from The Pirates of Pezance by Gilbert and Sullivan .**

**That is the music video/song that this little...insanity is based off of. I'm not sure where it came from, but I'm fairly sure I laughed as hard as the Joker when I imagined this coming to pass. (Stress of finals, Jonny says...) And you can't tell me that you can't picture this either. So, without further ado, my lovely little humor sub-plot for Jonathan Crane. **

**Also, if you are a reader of _Giving Up Spring_, know that I am almost done with the final chapter and will be announcing the start of my next project soon. I don't know if I'll have it done before finals week next week, but it most certainly will be up in the direct amount of time right after next weekend when I move back home.**

**I do not own any of the characters, the setting, or even the music. They all have their respective owners. I, however, did mutilate them in my own sadistic way to get pleasure from it via this. I regret nothing...**

**Enjoy! **

* * *

The day was hot…almost freakishly hot.

Hot, especially by Gotham's gloomy weather standards.

And Jonathan Crane was…well, many things.

He was hot, he was tired, excited, ecstatic, gloomy, raging, panicky, angry, nosy, and above all else, Jonathan Crane was giddy. Giddy, and in a good, good mood from his spot sitting in the back of their shared mind and body, plotting away.

Why?

Because he'd just finished a brand new batch of Fear Toxin, completed the modifications to his and Scarecrow's masks, and watched on the news the near hit and miss of one of his chemicals lifts. (Because the Gotham PD was more interested in chasing the Batman than the theft of some chemicals they couldn't even pronounce.) All and all, he was fairly happy with the turn of events in his favor.

So was the Scarecrow.

Who was, of all things, currently singing quite loudly through Jonathan's lips as they prepared canister after canister of highly pressurized, concentrated Fear Toxin in its aerosol form. It seemed the best weapon out in public, though they mostly preferred the liquid, needle injected form, but when it came to dealing with the Bat and certain authorities, not to mention unruly citizens or other members of society, it was rather hard to keep them pinned down long enough to administer anything, let alone stick them with a needle. In fact, they both highly doubted their ability to subdue and keep anyone down if they were challenged in the open, a foresight they'd had a while ago.

And that was where the aerosol form had come from.

So now they had it down to a near art form, the concentrating and making of the fear compound (even without the highly prized, and craved, blue flowers) and the weaponization of its many forms. It was beautiful, though Jonathan often left the actual work to Scarecrow while he plotted, planned, and worked out the details of whatever they were to do with the stuff. But Scarecrow didn't mind, and though he wasn't good with the chemicals himself, he was rather god with the compound and the 'canning' of it.

And so Jonathan had reluctantly given him the task, and hadn't said anything about the singing…

Yet.

"There's aspirin, adrenaline, and also aminophylline,  
Amphetamine, adenosine, augmentin, and rifampicin,  
Amoxicillin, penicillin, heparin, and warfarin,  
And oestrogen, progestagen, and Canesten and chloroquine."

They didn't have the prettiest of voices, though Scarecrow's voice did tend to be rougher and carry more of their once held accent, but the song didn't really require much of one the way he was singing under his breath anyways. It was a catchy tune, though for the life of both of them, they couldn't remember where they'd heard it from. But it didn't stop Scarecrow from liking it, or Jonathan from enjoying the tune and words, though he never said so out loud, and it didn't stop either of them from singing it on occasion in the privacy of their own labs.

Always in the privacy of their own labs.

But today, they weren't alone.

Not that either of them knew it.

"There's bendroflumethiazide and also cyclophosphamide,  
And metoclopramide, acetazolamide, tropicamide  
Loperamide, amiloride, and cyclizine and frusemide,  
And if you're up the duff then you'd best avoid thalidomide."

Not that they knew it of course, which made the fun the Joker was going to have with Jonny and the Crow that much better. He knew it, and though they didn't, whatever was happening here was bound to be _loads_ of prospective entertainment and emotional blackmail.

And whatever they were singing was rather…catchy, if a bit hilarious coming from their high and mighty, pompous ass.

Since, you know, their head was up their ass most of the time anyways.

The Joker really tried hard not to laugh.

"There's lithium, fluoxetine and also amitriptyline,  
Paroxetine, digoxin, GTN, and azathioprine,  
Miconazole, atenolol, and also chloramphenicol,  
And if you want to overdose, there's always paracetamol."

Overdose huh?

That sounded like fun…

The Joker wondered how Crane would react to being doused in his own compound…again.

It might be rather hilarious.

But more hilarious then this?

He thought not.

"There's Night Nurse and there's phenytoin, Zirtek, and diazepam  
And lithium, temazepam, midazolam, clonazepam,  
Testosterone, aldosterone, and Valium and insulin,  
And lignocaine and Piriton and Ventolin and Ritalin."

He'd said Lithium twice now, but all the other compounds and drugs he was listing sounded rather like fun. (And in all fairness, no one seemed to be keeping track of what he said expect the Joker.) If there was ever a song in the entire world that Jonathan Crane and the Scarecrow would learn, it was most definitely the one they were singing now. It took every bit of restraint known to him, to keep the Joker from outright laughing at the sight before him.

Jonny Crane…in shorts and a Wayne Enterprise t-shirt…_singing_ to the tune of a Tom Lehrer song.

Oh Jonny, the places they had yet to go.

The only way he'd stifled a giggle at that one, was because the Joker decided biting his hand would be a better alternative then to alert his little diva that he was in the same room as him. He was having _way_ too much fun for it to be ruined by something as mundane as embarrassment.

Even if it was Jonny Crane being embarrassed…

Or the Crow.

"There's cefuroxime, cefotaxime, cefalexin, cephedrine,  
And metronidazole and ketoconazole, trimethoprim,  
Erythromycin, gentamicin, macrolides, nifedipine,  
And Actifed and Sudafed and Calpol with no sugar in."

Speaking of which…

He wondered if he could even get the Epic Fail Fear-Duo high on sugar.

High on chemicals and toxins?

Yes…but **sugar**?

Now _that _would be _quite_ the sight.

"There's phenelzine and hyoscine, ranitidine, cimetidine,  
Potassium and calcium and every kind of vitamin,  
And pethidine and methadone and speed, cocaine, and heroin,  
And cannabis and Prozac, morphine, alcohol, and nicotine."

Drug dealing much Jonny?

Still?

Good lord…

Did going up against the Bat teach you nothing about trying to sell that garbage?

"You must remember all these drugs, the names of which you've learned from me!"

Here he trilled ridiculously high, enough so that even he winced at the sound. It was all the Joker could do to keep from busting his guts onto the floor then and there. He knew when this was said and done with, he was going to get a most satisfying laugh-a-poluza out of it.

"Or fuck 'em all and get a job in orthopedic surgery."

At that, the Joker did lose all sense of the world about him as he doubled over and laughed his prospective ass off.

Had he been aware he'd have seen the jumping of Scarecrow and Jonathan Crane as they tried in a fail-comic way to keep from dropping all that they were holding, and effectively ruining the batch of toxins laid out on the table before him. He would have seen Jonathan Crane as he growled and tried not to take back over their body and kill the Joker then and there, and he would have seen what the shorter man with striking blue eyes did next.

But he was laughing to hard…

And he never even saw the middle finger flipped in his direction.


End file.
